Battle Of Pride
by muzicfan5
Summary: Hermione's heart has been broken...will she forgive the cause of her heartach?
1. Reject

Disclaimer: I own no rights...i just have my little plot bunnies.

Authors note: I'm such a music kid. All my fic ideas seem to come from songs...today's muse is Reject by Stroke 9. There will be more to this story. This is a more or less Hermione point of view

PS: I had incorporated the lyrics to the song into the story but I was unaware that your no longer able to do that so I reposted them minus the lyrics. I do encourage you to look them up though. As I said the song is Reject by Stroke 9.

Hermione stormed out of the room slamming the door shut as she went. Her Carmel colored tresses trailing behind her as she ran down the stone hallway. She was livid. _I can't believe he would say such things to me! How dare he! Who does he think he is!_ By the time Hermione reached the castle door she had calmed down considerably and decided a leisure walk around the lake would do the trick, then she could sit beneath her favorite tree and lounge about for a bit. Once Hermione had plopped ever so gracefully down onto the grass she began thinking about the conversation that had taken place no less than ten minutes ago. _Hermione, I…I've been doing a lot of thinking lately…I…think we should take a break… I'm not happy with how things are going. I'm not happy with where we're going. I'm just…not happy. A break? Define "break" Have another girl all lined up don't we? Baby it's not like that. I need my space is all. _At this point in the conversation Hermione was through; she ran away. A single tear trailed from the corner of her eye down her cheek as she sniffled slightly and took a deep breath.

_I'm too good for him. I can do better. There are a million dependable, loving wizards out there that would love me for the clever witch that I am._ She sighed noticeably _but none as brilliant as this one was…_

_days later_

Hermione did her best to try to go back to life as it had been a year ago, before he entered her life. She cried a great deal. She moved into her own quarters in the castle. She was a teacher there now. Professor Dumbledore had retired so Professor McGonagall took over as head mistress. Hermione had applied as the transfigurations professor and got the job. Hermione had attended university upon graduating from Hogwarts; she had graduated once again only a year ago. This was her first year as a teacher after she had done a year of independent study under Professor McGonagall.

A soft yet urgent knock came at Hermione's door. She opened the door and was wrapped into a loving hug from her best friend Harry Potter. They kept in contact with owls on a weekly basis while he was playing quidditch for the Chuddley Cannons. He was scheduled to be playing a game in Romania yesterday. She sent her letter as usual and went about fixing up her new quarters. Harry was about a head taller than she was, but he had grown a great deal since they had begun Hogwarts together at the age of 11. Harry's frame was slender yes, but it was quite lean, he had a fair amount of muscle on him. He needed to be small for seeker, but that is no excuse to have no muscle. He trained just as hard as the rest of his team mates. Hermione felt very secure in his muscular grip. She leaned her head into his chest and began crying. She hadn't expected him to come all the way from Romania. After a moment she composed herself some.

"Look at me. I don't even invite you in; just begin blubbering all over you as soon as you get here. I'm sorry."

"Shh. Never you mind that 'Mione. I'm here for you. And if that means standing just outside your quarters as you cry then so be it." He added that last bit in with a goofy grin on his face.

Hermione gave him a half hearted glower then backed away from the door to allow him entrance. She closed the door behind him then went about gathering some of her belongings out of the sitting room. "I'm sorry about the mess. I just moved and haven't gotten everything completely together yet…"

"It's quite all right, I didn't exactly give you any warning I was coming…"

Hermione smiled bashfully. She wasn't sure why. Harry had been there for her always, no matter what, even when she had been Little Miss Know-it-all in they're first year. They shared a smile before Harry helped her gather a few more things off of the merlot colored leather couch. Her sitting room was a very subtle pink with hardwood floors. A large fireplace had a fire roaring in it. Once the couch had been cleared Harry wrapped his firm grip about Hermione's shoulders once more. She gratefully accepted his embrace and leaned into his chest, inhaling deeply as if she was about to cry again.

"Hush 'Mione. He doesn't deserve these tears." Her breath caught in her throat. Thoughts began whirling a mile a minute through her brain. _He's right you know…I was dumped by HIM. He doesn't deserve me to cry over him…_ Hermione held in the sob that was trying to escape. She wasn't going to cry anymore. Not over him. Not right now. She continued to hold Harry for a few moments longer as she composed herself. She smiled weakly as she released him from her grip. "You're right." She said, "Can I get you anything?" Harry considered her offer then decided a cold butter beer would really hit the spot. Hermione got one for Harry and one for herself. They sat on the couch and talked comfortably. Hermione asked about the game had gone. It was a close game. Harry caught the snitch just in time. The final score had been 170 to 150. He relived some of the highlights of the game for Hermione in such vivid details; Hermione was only half listening though. She always hated him playing; she would sit in the stands worried that he was going to get hurt. That worry was often in vein, but on several occasions her worry had been well spent. That wasn't the real reason for her only half paying attention to her friend. She had other things on her mind. She was thinking about the argument of only a few days ago. She knew Harry was right, tears weren't deserved, but it hurt. She was rejected.

Days weren't so bad; she had classes and people around here. She had distractions. It hurt, it hurt like hell; but she had distraction. Nights are what really killed her. No warm body to snuggle up against, no one to chat with minutes before falling asleep. And of course before falling asleep she would think. Her thoughts were deafening. They practically screamed into her ears. When she could actually sleep it took hours to fall asleep and she would wake up feeling worse than when she went to bed in the first place. If this kept up she was going to start needing to take potions to sleep. This wasn't healthy; she hadn't slept properly in a week and a half.

Things seemed to be getting easier for her. Hermione's quarters were completely unpacked now. She was starting to feel like home. She had been writing more frequently to Harry, not that there was much to share. But she felt better after she wrote to him. She also had taken to keeping a diary. Ginny had suggested doing such. She was at home with her family. She had a little boy and a little girl a year apart. She couldn't leave them to come visit, but Hermione had sent her a letter informing her of the break-up and Ginny sent her love and best wishes and apologized profusely for not being able to come and help make things right, but one of her suggestions was to write a diary so her feelings wouldn't get so bottled up and she would begin to feel better sooner than she thought if she did so.

She was glad that she had taken Ginny's suggestion. Since she had been writing before bed she seemed to be tormented by thoughtsfor less and less time each evening. She made a mental note that she should send an owl of thanks tomorrow. Hermione was slowly returning back to the old her. She was laughing and having fun at mealtimes again with the other staff. She even started visiting Hagrid in his hut at least once a week to catch up with him outside of dinners. Most importantly she was sleeping more regularly again. Hermione didn't think her life could get much better. She was finally happy again. It had been about two months since her break-up and Christmas break was rapidly approaching. Hermione could go home if she choose, she was not a head of house so it wasn't required of her to stay, but her parents had since passed on, so she didn't have anywhere to go per se. She was seriously considering spending the holiday at Hogwarts.

The morning before the children were to leave there was a hesitant knock at her chamber doors. _That is a bit odd…I'm not expecting any company…_ Hermione's thoughts trailed off as she walked briskly towards the door as she called out "Just a minute". Hermione pulled open her door to see a large dark figure standing at her door.

"Severus…" Hermione trailed off momentarily out of shock. "What a…pleasant surprise."

"Hello Hermione." Was the only response she received.

Hermione took a mental note of his appearance. He looked worse for the wear. The circles under his eyes, which seemed to be a permanent fixture to his face, were the worse she had seen, even sincehis days as a spy. His skin was sallow and he hadn't appeared to be eating much, or sleeping for that matter. She almost pitied him. She may have felt more compassion for him had he not dropped her without warning.

"Mind if I come in?" Severus asked, wishing not to have the conversation he was hoping to have in the main corridors of Hogwarts for all to see.

"I guess." Hermione moved to allow him entrance to her sitting room before asking "Can I get anything for you?"

Severus ignored her question and walked briskly to the couch centered in front of the fire with his robes flapping menacingly behind him as he took the short trip. _I swear that man bewitches his robes to do that as he walks. I've never seen anyone with such evil looking robes!_ Hermione stifled the giggle that was threatening to escape her lips; she knew that this was not an appropriate time to be giggling about the manner of Severus' clothing.

"Hermione…" Severus wasn't sure how to begin this conversation. His life had always been so calculated. Everything from how he walks about his class to when to grade his papers is timed precisely. However, with this young witch he was at a loss as to how to handle her and the predicament he currently found himself in. "I've been thinking…"

Hermione gave him a questioning look to prod his slow going process along.

"I…I've been a shadow of myself since you've gone. I can't sleep, I can't eat. I only relive that evening over and over again in my mind."

"Severus, if you remember correctly, you were the one that called it quits. You're the one that needed your space."

"I know what I said. That night tortures me so. I don't know what I was thinking. As soon as you stormed out I felt bad about hurting you. After realizing how much I must have hurt you I realized how much I was hurting myself…"

"So that's it then? You ripped my heart out Severus. You crushed me. And now you expect me to just take you back and pretend that nothing ever happened?"

"I did not say that. I'm well aware that I ripped your heart out. I was not aware, that I was going to rip my own heart out in the process though… I'm not saying to forget what was, but I would like to work on what we had, make it better; with your permission of course. I owe you an apology. I've never faired well in relationships. In time I became bitter and spiteful. When you loved me despite that, I guess I got scared. I didn't think anyone would ever truly want me. I didn't know what else to do but push you away. But that only made matters worse. Please Hermione. I'm begging you. Let me try to make this up to you."

"I need to do some thinking Severus…"

"Will you tell me at least if you'll be remaining here for the duration of the recess?"

"I will be staying. Good bye Severus." Hermione stood quickly and walked towards the door waiting for Snape to follow.

After closing the door Hermione put her back against the door and slowly fell to the floor.

oh cliffie! i like leaving on cliffhangers. i'm bad at planning out my stories before hand so it helps me pick up writing again. I often come up with something new for where to pick up then what i had in mind as i'm writing...we'll see where this takes us. let me know if you like it!

muzic


	2. Self Sacrifice

Disclaimer: not my creation...only my toys

Authors note: Here is the second part of this story. I could end it here or I could probably keep writing. Let me know if you want to hear more from me. Songs that I thought fit the mood of this story are as follows. Under The Covers by The Spill Canvas, Crawling Back To You by the Backstreet Boys and Boys Don't Cry by The Cure. Enjoy!

* * *

Severus Snape sat in his study. He wasn't doing anything in particular, at least not to the naked eye. Severus Snape was thinking, he had been doing a lot of that as of late. His mind kept dwelling on one topic: Hermione Granger. He had been dating the girl for about 6 months now. He was feeling suffocated though. Every time he turned around, it seemed like she was there, smiling up at him, her gaze boring into him when he wasn't looking. His nights have been sleepless as of late. He couldn't seem to quiet his mind. He wasn't sure what was making him feel this way, but he was sure that he needed to make it stop. The only way he knew to do that was to end the relationship.

Severus rapidly got to his feet and swept into the sitting area where he knew he would find Hermione snuggled into a chair reading a large book. His robes billowed behind him in the menacing fashion that he preferred them to. His sleek black hair bouncing slightly as he walked swiftly and with purpose. He wished his hair didn't bounce in such a light fashion though; it made him seem less…sever.

Upon reaching the sitting room he spoke up, knowing that she wouldn't realize he was there while she was engrossed in a large book. "Hermione, may I have a word?"

She closed the book keeping her finger in the page she was at. "Certainly Severus."

"I've been doing some thinking lately…And well, you see…" _I hate how inarticulate I am when it comes to her! Her eyes just do something to me, they make me feel powerless. _"I…think we should take a break… I'm not happy with how things are going. I'm not happy with where we're going. I'm just…not happy."

Hermione's eyes lit up in horror"A break? Define "break" Have another girl all lined up don't we?"

Severus felt a sudden urge to explain himself. "Baby it's not like that. I need my space is all." He paused momentarily as she stood quickly. There was a loud thud as she released his book from her grip and dropped it to the floor as she ran out the door slamming that too on her way out. "I feel suffocated…." He added in a whispered tone after she had left.

Immediate realization hit him hard once she had stormed out that he messed up and had messed up big time. _If only I could articulate my thoughts better…If only I could take back what I said…If only I understood myself better…If only I could make her feel better._ Severus had a million different thoughts whirling about his head. There were at least a thousand different If's in there. He wanted to run after her. Wanted to wrap her in a warm embrace and tell her "I'm sorry" tell her it was a cruel joke. Tell her anything to make the tears go away. _But I'm not the person she's going to want to see right now. I'm not the person **I** want to see right now… _This was a sure sign of a self loathing stage that was going to begin. Not to mention it didn't look very much like his sleeping patterns were going to improve very much from here on out either.

Severus inhaled deeply her scent that still lingered in the room; trying to mentally put it into a bottle to store for use at a later date. He knew that it was going to be a while before she would allow him any sort of closeness. Her scent brought him a sort of comfort. She always made him feel comfortable. _Why did I have to say anything? I can be such a dunder-head sometimes…_

Snape's mood did not improve any in the days to follow. He became darker and moodier and took this out on his students. He knew that they hated and feared him already, what did it matter if he was a little meaner, a little harder, a little more _Snape_ to them?

As time passed, Snape was depending on potions to sleep at night. He couldn't stand being away from Hermione. He felt like when he chased her out of his rooms that he tore out his own heart. He was battering and bruising himself. _I know what I said, we'd be better off alone…I was lying to myself, now I'm dying in this hell…_ Snape had been thinking about it for almost two months now. He had torn apart his life, which he thought was broken, but he was sadly mistaken. _I need to talk to her, I need to see her. Show her how much she really means to me…_

Snape resolved that evening before his potion fully kicked in that he would go find Hermione tomorrow before the children left. With that thought his muscles relaxed onto the soft bed below him and he slept for the next 8 hours.

Upon awaking Snape kicked off his covers and dragged himself to the bathroom. He felt like he had been hit with 1000 hexes at once. _I've never felt so terrible after a dreamless sleep potion._ He took one look in the mirror and was greeted by a man that looked ten years older than he was in fact. His skin slightly yellowed with a sickly appearance, the bags under his eyes were so bad that he could have packed his entire set of rooms in them. He ignored the image in the mirror and went about the task of preparing for today. He needed all the courage he could muster. He was going to see Hermione, his missing puzzle piece. He needed to prepare himself to slice open his pride and beg her to come back to him. He was like a lost puppy without her. He needed her to survive.

Severus made the trip up to her rooms looking determined and wearing his favorite robes. They had the right amount of menace in them when they billowed behind him. He always wore them for his first lessons of the year. He thought that the extra snap in their billowing made him look that much more menacing. A small smile escaped his lips until he realized just where he was headed. He was going to lay himself on the alter of sacrifice in the name of love. His nerves picked the worse time to act up just before he knocked. He was going to knock with determination and purpose, but instead his knock sounded weak and needy.

Snape was pulled out of his thoughts when the door opened in front of him.

"Severus…" Hermione trailed off momentarily. "What a…pleasant surprise."

"Hello Hermione." Was the only response he was able to muster. Her eyes cut into him like a warm knife cut away a pad of butter.

"Mind if I come in?" Severus asked, wishing not to have the conversation he was hoping to have in the main corridors of Hogwarts for all to see.

"I guess." Hermione moved to allow him entrance to her sitting room before asking "Can I get anything for you?" Severus subconsciously inhaled deeply as he walked past her. The memory of her scent still firmly implanted in his mind.

Severus didn't hear her question over the thoughts in his head. He wasn't sure if he was going to do this. He needed her back. He looked her over quickly. She looked fantastic. She didn't look as though she hadn't been sleeping. In fact she looked better than he remembered. He hadn't been coming to dinners when he could help it. He often made excuses about having potions to brew or too many papers to grade and took meals in his rooms as often as possible. The sight of her pained him enormously, despite the fact that he pushed her away, not the other way around.

"Hermione…" Severus wasn't sure how to begin this conversation. His life had always been so calculated. Everything from how he walks about his class to when to grade his papers is timed precisely. However, with this young witch he was at a loss as to how to handle her and the predicament he currently found himself in. "I've been thinking…"

Hermione gave him a questioning look to prod his slow going process along.

"I…I've been a shadow of myself since you've gone. I can't sleep, I can't eat. I only relive that evening over and over again in my mind."

"Severus, if you remember correctly, you were the one that called it quits. You're the one that needed your space."

"I know what I said. That night tortures me so. I don't know what I was thinking. As soon as you stormed out I felt bad about hurting you. After realizing how much I must have hurt you I realized how much I was hurting myself…"

"So that's it then? You ripped my heart out Severus. You crushed me. And now you expect me to just take you back and pretend that nothing ever happened?"

"I did not say that. I'm well aware that I ripped your heart out. I was not aware, that I was going to rip my own heart out in the process though… I'm not saying to forget what was, but I would like to work on what we had, make it better; with your permission of course. I owe you an apology. I've never faired well in relationships. In time I became bitter and spiteful. When you loved me despite that, I guess I got scared. I didn't think anyone would ever truly want me. I didn't know what else to do but push you away. But that only made matters worse. Please Hermione. I'm begging you. Let me try to make this up to you."

"I need to do some thinking Severus…"

"Will you tell me at least if you'll be remaining here for the duration of the recess?"

"I will be staying. Good bye Severus." Hermione stood quickly and walked towards the door waiting for Snape to follow. He did as she wished of him and followed quickly behind her. He glanced her over once more and inhaled deeply as he left. He walked rapidly and with purpose until he heard the door click shut behind him. Once he heard that and knew she couldn't see him anymore his shoulders slumped slightly and his walk became less severe. These were minor changes in his appearance, and to the untrained eye, such as that of the students, he still looked just as menacing, however, to someone who knows Snape well they would know instantly that he was saddened by something. He would retreat to his dungeon and await some sort of signal from Hermione.

* * *

PS: what do you think? Should I end it here or keep going?

Muzic


	3. The Morning After

Disclaimer: I only play with these characters…

* * *

Hermione woke up curled up on the floor in her sitting room. She had a terrible ach in her back and neck. She was stiff all over and had an odd chill in her bones. She had cried herself to sleep last night; never moving from her spot on the floor in front of the door where she had landed after Severus left her quarters. As she struggled to climb to her feet she was struck with an odd realization. He came to visit her, and in an odd sort of way had pleaded with her to take him back. He had missed her, and had taken her absence quite hard. However, Hermione was struggling to find an answer to the real question: Did he love her? She knew he was sorry, but _if_ she took him back would he push her away again? _If what a terrible word, two little letters cause so much woe and painstakingly sleepless nights for everyone at least once in a lifetime. _

Hermione meandered over to the bathroom to attempt to make herself look presentable for the day. She didn't want to leave her chambers, but she had a strong desire to show Severus that he hadn't affected her, at least not very much. She wanted to appear stronger than him. She needed to appear stronger than him. She wasn't sure why, but she felt as though the best way to handle the situation is to pretend to be ok. She didn't feel like being bothered by anyone who was remaining at Hogwarts for the holiday season. Teachers that weren't required to stay were allowed to leave today, but despite the depleted numbers she knew that there would be questions of she went from being herself to what she was today out of nowhere, especially since she hadn't gone to dinner last night. She had been crying at the door and wasn't hungry anyway then she fell asleep out of pure exhaustion before even being able to move, let alone decide she was hungry.

As Hermione's keen mind ran through a replay of yesterday in her mind and ran through the facts in her head, she was calculating her next move, deciding what the best course of action would be. She knew that she would need to act swiftly and discreetly. Hermione was just about ready to go to breakfast when her stomach gurgled loudly protesting of hunger. _Quiet you; I'm about to head down for breakfast._ She mentally scolded her body for not being more patient. Hermione knew what needed to be done and realized that the extra bounce in her step wasn't forced. She really was becoming happy again.

A smile was slowly creeping upon her lips as she entered the great hall. Her stomach gurgled once more as she inhaled the fragrant scents of fresh biscuits and fruit. Hermione spied a platter of pancakes on the table and her mouth began to water. _I might just take that whole platter to my seat._ Hermione smirked mildly at that thought and livened her pace slightly to get to the table in the center of the room faster. There was no need for 5 large tables to be out. There was no more than 20 people left in the castle including staff and Headmistress McGonagall found the dinning arrangements to be superfluous and changed them for the duration of the holiday.

Hermione surveyed the table as she piled 4 large pancakes onto her plate; she took several large strawberries as well and cut them up to place on her pancakes. She smothered them in butter and maple syrup and filled her goblet with pumpkin juice. She tried to eat in a normal pace but found that she was forcing herself. She hadn't realized how ravenous she was before she had taken that first mouthful of food. _I never realized how much being emotional takes out of you_. Hermione pushed that out of her brain and continued to eat as she attempted to make pleasantries with her dining neighbors. More correctly she was trying to not ignore her neighbors making pleasantries with her. Once she felt sated she pushed her plate slightly away from her and was ready to make real conversation with her neighbors who had waited patiently for her to no longer be preoccupied. She was sandwiched between Professor Flitwick and a third year student, the child's name escaped her at the moment. She was in Hufflepuff and made it a point to not stand out at anything by being exceptionally good or bad.

Hermione smiled again. She had noted that Severus was not present at breakfast; he probably was still in his rooms, sulking. _I don't sulk! I disappear discretely into the shadows and review my thoughts._ That was what Severus had told her one time when he was particular moody over a Slytherin loss at quidditch. Hermione had rolled her eyes at that description of his actions and was quite tempted to pounce on top of him and tickle him until he was no longer sulking. However, she knew that the outcome of those actions would go over very well. He had after all been a spy and death eater for about 20 years. Besides, he had really good reflexes and may react instinctively rather than reasonably. Old habits die hard after all.

Hermione was lost in her thoughts for a moment reliving old memories with a glazed expression on her face. She came back to the present time to a hand on her shoulder.

"Professor?" the child had questioned her. "Is everything alright? I've been trying to get your attention for the past few minutes."

"Yes Miss Parker. What is it?"

"It's just everyone was leaving, I thought that you might want to do so too…" she responded shyly trying to end the conversation quickly.

"Thank you Miss Parker, you're free to go"

The girl smiled shyly and scurried away quickly. She was brought back into a pool of memories, back to her third year when Peter Pettigrew was found out to be not dead at all; he was Ron's pet rat Scabbers. This memory passed quickly as she slowly wandered back towards her quarters. That last thought had reminded her that she had owls to send. She needed to write out letters to Harry and Ginny if no one else. She wasn't complaining, simply informing them of the change of events. She already knew what she was going to do and wasn't sad at all. She was surprised at how ok she really was. Yesterday she thought her world was coming crashing down. But today the sun was shining and there was a promise of snow. She would have to go for a walk around the lake after she sent off her letters. She fancied a bit of snow. It always made her feel like a child and she would make a snow angel in the fresh powder that she hoped would cover the ground soon. There was a smile firmly in place on her face as Hermione muttered the password to her rooms. She was slightly taken aback when she saw that the fires were already lit in her sitting room.

* * *

It's a shortie I know…but its also just after 2 am and I've got a long day ahead of me. And for the record, I don't know what happens next either. HAHA

by the way, I do appreciate all these comments. If it wasn't for that you wouldn't have gotten this chapter tonight! But I felt like I needed to post something since you all seemed to like what I'd written thus far.

Muzic


	4. Unexpected

Authors note: I know it's been a while since the other 3 chapters were posted so close together. But, I know excuses are cheap, but I'll share anyway. I didn't have any ideas, and as it is I haven't a clue where this chapter came from, but it's good nonetheless. My sister came back up for 2 weeks and during that time I also went on vacation, so its been a bit of a busy month plus. Hopefully chapter 5 will come must sooner than 4 did. As I've mentioned in previous notes I don't have an outline as to where this is going; it just is. I hope you all enjoyed reading Half-Blooded Prince, I know I did and will probably read it again once more before I go back to school at the end of next month. But enough of my rambling, you wanted to find out where this is going!

Muzic

**Chapter 4: Unexpected **

Hermione drew her wand and her smile faltered. She entered her chambers slowly and quietly. She was thankful she was alone, because she had remained rather quiet while she had been entering her rooms, it would most certainly not have gone so quietly had she had company. She might still be able to have the element of surprise on her uninvited visitor. Moving with precision and calculation she circled around the back of her sitting room without so much as a clack of shoe on wood. She approached her couch with the utmost of care. Once she had reached the back of the couch and peered gingerly over the top of it she drew her hand back and smacked the owner of it upside the head.

"Harry James Potter!" Hermione began to scold him "I nearly hexed you into oblivion! Sneaking into my rooms uninvited and unannounced!"

Harry smiled gently before he replied. "Sorry I wanted to see you and make sure you were ok." He teased her mildly.

A friendly smile came back onto Hermione's face.

"By the way, a herd of elephants moves more quietly than you do. I heard you coming down the hallway…" Harry smirked at her but flinched reflexively when Hermione grabbed a pillow off the end of the couch and threw it at his head.

Hermione and Harry sat on the couch laughing and plotting for the next several hours. Before a loud rumble interrupted them as they were recovering from an especially hard laughing fit over old memories.

Hermione looked over Harry in a concerned motherly sort of way. She always had a soft spot for Harry in her heart. She always worried more about him than he would ever know. Harry thought he noticed something different in her look as she was appraising him.

"When's the last time you ate?" Hermione asked him now noticing him being a bit thinner than usual. She had simply figured it was from hard work on the quidditch team and that he had just lost a bit of weight and gained some more muscle. But now that she was examining him she new this couldn't be the case.

"I had a small snack before I headed over here to visit you." Harry successfully made this statement sound like it was no big deal. But Hermione had seen through his veil of indifference and knew that there was something wrong.

Hermione didn't even need to say anything in return. He glanced at his watch and looked back at his friend, "Its nearly dinner time, perhaps you should go downstairs."

"Don't be silly, you're always welcome here, you know that. Join me, there is always plenty of food, and I'm certain there is room for another at our table." Hermione wouldn't take no for an answer and Harry knew it. He nodded in agreement and stood, he offered Hermione a hand and they walked down to the great hall arms linked as they trotted happily together.

The evening had dwindled into nothingness. It had gotten exceptionally late; Hermione and Harry didn't know where the time went. He told Hermione that he came to see her to make sure she was ok, which was true. But what he left out was that he's been a complete wreck as of late. He couldn't focus, even on quidditch, he hadn't been sleeping or eating. He came to see her more for himself than for her. He knew that she would have pulled herself together and was doing great, and if she wasn't yet she would be soon, He, on the other hand, found her presence oddly comforting. He had never realized it until recently. He grew used to her over the past thirteen years. He spent the better part of seven inseparable years together with her and Ron, they kept in contact and saw each other frequently enough during her days at university and they still spoke at least once a week for the past 2 years while she was back at Hogwarts. They hadn't been able to see each other as much as they used to while she was at university and even less since Harry has been playing quidditch and she being back at Hogwarts.

Glancing at his watch again for the first time since dinner Harry's eyes widened as he noted that it was well past one in the morning. When he looked back at Hermione he realized how tired she looked. He stumbled over his thoughts as he struggled internally to force himself to get up or say that he should go home because it was far too late. Hermione was either oblivious to his internal battle, or didn't wish for him to depart so she wasn't going to help him find the words to dismiss himself.

They had been sitting on the couch together again; they had played games, and talked and had just been having fun. As the night progressed they seemed to become physically closer all the time. They were now sitting right next to each other, Harry's arm was on the back of the couch as he was lost in his thoughts. He was nudged back into reality when he realized that there was a head leaning against his chest and he heard a small sigh escape his ex-housemates lips. He rapidly drifted back into his own thoughts though and when he was roused from them he realized that one Miss Hermione Granger had fallen asleep. He looked down at her, she looked so innocent and happy laying on him as she was. He wanted to wake her, but he couldn't make himself go through the motions of waking her. He instead, moved himself slowly into a laying position and Hermione followed him every step of the way. Once he was comfortable he tried to resituate her gently so they were more comfortable on the couch together.

Harry fell asleep long after he was comfortable, but he slept better than he had in what seemed like years. It may very well have been the best sleep he had ever gotten. But that didn't matter now. He had dreams to have…


	5. Friends?

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

AN: I know it was literally like 6 months since the last time I posted anything and I apologize for that. Things were busy for me at school, and after I read book 6 I really lost my motivation to write. I didn't like the way it ended and I think I was mad at the characters and didn't want to write, but I wanted to finish this so I picked it up and mustered something…hopefully you'll enjoy it.

**CHAPTER 5: Friends?**

There was a gentle tap on Hermione's chamber doors. Hermione and Harry were deep in sleep and didn't rouse to the soft taps upon her doors. The person coming to call wasn't terribly keen on the visit he was making, but he thought he should make a thorough effort without being overly intrusive; it was after all, still early. He knocked once more softly then mumbled to himself as he turned sharply on his heals that she must still be asleep and that he'd attempt to contact her later.

_Hours later_

Hermione awoke to a gentle breathing on her face. She roused slowly, smiled and spoke in a gentle whisper. "Good morning"

Harry smiled in response and returned her greeting. "Morning. Sleep well?"

"Well enough" she teased gently.

Hermione made an effort to get up from the couch and off of Harry to begin her day. The sun gleamed into the window and a fresh coat of snow covered the grounds of Hogwarts. A smile spread across her face at the wintery sight that lay out the window. Hermione quickly got ready and Harry did the same. The pair of friends went down to breakfast together before heading out on the grounds to take a walk around the lake.

Hermione ran ahead of Harry to find a patch of untouched snow to make a snow angel. Once she found a satisfactory place she threw herself down and went to work making her snow angel. Once she was ready to get up she got her wand out and levitated herself out of the angel before righting herself and standing next to Harry, who laughed at the scene she presented him.

While the friends were laughing over Hermione's snow angel flakes began falling from the sky in a fresh round of snow to cover the grounds. With snow covering Hermione's backside and fresh flakes finding homes in her hair and eyelashes a shiver ran over her body. Harry wrapped her into his warm embrace before they continued on a walk about the lake. He kept an arm around her shoulders to keep her a little warmer.

Lurking about the dungeons can get depressing if you let it. The housing is more posh than you would expect, but when push comes to shove, you're still in a dungeon. The dungeon blues were kicking in full force for one potions master. Snape had been sulking for quite some time now. He had been brooding since before he broke up with Hermione, but the brooding has only gotten more intense since then, reaching an all time low, or high, depending on your view, when Hermione turned him down two nights ago. _She didn't say no…_"But she didn't say yes either." _Well, it's a start isn't it? _"Not a very good one."

Snape was arguing with himself. This wasn't the first time either. He thinks and tends to reason aloud when he isn't sure that his choice of action was the right one. Snape decided that a nice walk would help to clear his head. Grabbing his favorite cloak Severus headed towards the main castle gates. He wandered through the quidditch pitch before heading towards the lake and then walking the outskirts of the forbidden forest. Snape had settled into the shadows underneath a tree in a dry, snow free area near the edge of the forest. He had been thinking over the situation at hand, trying to figure out a way for Hermione to take him back. Quietly musing to himself, he didn't realize he wasn't alone until he heard foot steps scuffling through the snow. He was completely unprepared to see Harry and Hermione arm in arm. _That scoundrel!_

Harry noticed a slight movement in the shade of a distant tree. He squinted into the dark and fixed his gaze intently in the direction he saw a movement in while simultaneously bringing Hermione closer to him in a subconscious manner to protect her from whatever may be lurking in the forbidden forest. After a moment of study he realized that it was Severus Snape sitting at the base of a tree he almost immediately dropped his arm from around Hermione's shoulders.

"What's wrong?" Hermione questioned, her voice full of concern

"Nothing; just thought I saw something, it's nothing really." Harry lied. He didn't want to upset her.

Hermione's gaze was fixed in the same area Harry had been fixated on moments before, she studied the area and noticed that there was a man sitting at a tree.

"Is that who I think it is?" Hermione asked more to herself than to Harry.

Harry didn't respond. He couldn't respond. Hermione left Harry's side to go and speak with Severus.


	6. Bitter Endings

Disclaimer: I only wish I owned even a piece of Harry Potter

**CHAPTER 6: Bitter endings**

"What do you think you're doing here? Are you _spying_ on me?"

"What are you talking about Hermione?"

"So it's just coincidence that you're sitting outside the lake, in the shadows, watching Harry and I?"

"As a matter of fact, yes it is. I didn't know Harry was here, never mind that you would be going for a walk by the lake. I didn't even realize you were here until I heard you walking. Lost in thought I suppose."

Hermione glared at Severus as she considered his argument, deciding if he was telling the truth or not. Satisfied that he was being honest she settled for a rushed apology as she turned on her heals and walked back towards Harry, embarrassed. She grabbed his hand nervously before pulling him back towards the castle mumbling something about being cold and wanting a warm cup of tea.

Internally, Harry was screaming out in joy. Hermione was holding his hand, and was angry at Severus. Both of which, worked in his favor. He had renewed hope that Hermione returned his feelings, that Hermione loved him like he loved her. He didn't know when the change took place, when he went from loving her like a friend, to wanting to love her for the rest of her life. But he wanted to have her in his arms until the day that he died. He wanted her to stay with him, to be safe in his arms.

Hermione brought Harry back from his thoughts with a gentle hand on his shoulder.

_Such a tender and loving gesture_ Harry thought to himself.

"Harry, what are we doing?"

Harry avoided the question and just looked confused hoping to get a more direct statement.

"I mean _us_ Harry. Something is different about you."

Harry squirmed slightly and began fidgeting with his robes while he tried to find the words he was looking for.

"I know things have been crazy for you lately. You were hurt, and I know you may not be ready for another relationship. I don't know what's gotten into me. But I'm drawn to you. I couldn't tell you when it happened, but I can tell you that I'm hooked. I don't want to be apart from you. I didn't come see you yesterday to make sure you were ok. I came because I wasn't ok. I needed you. I can't explain it Mione, but I know that if your not in my life it's not much of a life."

Hermione's eyes were welling with tears. "I don't know what to tell you Harry. We've been through so much together, but I don't think I can do this right now. I'm so confused right now. I don't think I want Severus to be apart of my life anymore, but I don't feel comfortable with an intimate relationship with you. I know it's not what you want to hear Harry, but all I can offer you right now is my friendship." Tears were falling from Hermione's eyes now, blurring her vision. She couldn't see how crushed Harry was being turned down by his best friend, the love of his life. It felt like a piece of him died that day, and he will never get it back.

* * *

AN: Personally, I think I've done better, but as I said, I really just wanted to finish this so I probably rushed it. Perhaps there will be a different story at a later date, one that I actually plan even?

This was fun, perhaps we'll come together on another story.

Muzic


	7. Bitter Sweet

Back by popular demand! And by popular demand, I mean someone messaged me and asked for more. LOL. I said no, but then reread what I had and realized I could continue it if I so desired. That being the case, you're in luck.

**Chapter 7:**

An awkward silence filled the room. Hermione had tears streaming down her face and Harry was trying so hard not to join her. He wanted to run over to her, wrap his arms around her and make her stop crying, he hated to see her in pain. On the other hand, his heart had just be crushed, ripped out of his heart and stomped on by the very woman he wanted to comfort. _I know she doesn't mean to hurt me. She just doesn't want an intimate relationship…_ That thought was a double-edged sword; it was just as much comfort as it was stab in the chest.

Harry stood in deep thought for a few moments longer before he gathered his voice and stated as flatly as he could that he thought it best for him to leave. Hermione stifled her sniffles for a moment and walked him to the door. They exchanged awkward goodbyes and Harry walked away unsure of what to do and where to go.

Harry shuffled slowly towards the gates of Hogwarts, as he did so a song he had heard in the muggle world had suddenly begun playing in his head. _A better slumber/was in your arms/spent tangled up in you/a sudden morning/crashed in the room/with an uninvited sudden change in you. What can I say? Where's that girl from last night/that slept on that side/and looks just like you do?_ Truer words were never spoken as far as Harry was concerned.

Hermione was in her sitting room, laying on the couch crying. _I'm a truly horrible person. I just tore the heart out of my best friend_ More sobs shook her body as she thought about the other man in her life. One Severus Snape had come back to her, asking for forgiveness and wanting her back. Ok, well maybe not in so many words, but he did just that in his Snapey way. She cried, and cried and cried some more. It felt like an eternity before all her sadness had left her body and mind. She felt terrible, but she also felt like a terrible person and that it was completely warranted. Hermione lay on her couch thinking about how to attempt to reconstruct her relationship with Harry, and how to apologize to Severus for her accusations earlier that day.

While laying and contemplating her future moves Hermione was interrupted with a loud grumble and she glanced at the clock. "Nearly 6 in the evening; no wonder you're protesting so." She spoke out loud to her body. Taking a few moments to make herself look as if she hadn't just spent two hours crying in her sitting room trying to decide what to do with her life. Hermione made her way down to dinner in the Great Hall and tried to cheerfully have conversations with her neighbors. She glanced around the room and noted that Severus was not at the meal yet again. She resolutely made up her mind to go to his rooms, the rooms they had shared, after dinner.

Severus was sitting at his desk with a large pile of rolled parchments sitting in front of him. He, however, was not grading them, he lied about work on numerous occasions as of late to avoid meal times. He was a little surprised that no staff member had yet to break into his rooms and drag him out to dinner. It had been approximately four months since he had told Hermione he wanted to take a break. Four months of not sleeping, of not eating, of feeling like the walking dead.

Severus began humming a tune and flipping through rolls of parchment, pretending to busy himself. If he tried to fidget then his mind would be less likely to think about _her_.

_You can sleep in your own bed tonight/I know some day that you will wake up/as lonely as I am/'cause fate works both ways…_

_What an odd little tune_ Severus thought to himself, unsure of what it came from. It didn't sound familiar at all, but it was fitting, nonetheless.

He continued to riffle through his paperwork, unrolling the occasional parchment and staring blankly at it for minutes at a time before rolling it and putting back in the pile, still unread.

After dinner Hermione gathered up all of her Gryffindor courage and walked resolutely down to her old rooms. The rooms she had shared for 18 months with her lover and friend Severus Snape. She hesitated outside of the rooms. Poised to knock but couldn't quite make her hand connect with the door. She must have stood there for 5 minutes with her knuckles inches from the door. Her arm felt heavy when she realized she still hadn't moved. She shook her head and cleared the fog that had rolled into her eyes and tried to knock with determination.

Severus shook himself out of his daze and walked towards his doors. _I guess my time is up; someone really isn't going to drag me off to dinner_. Severus opened the door, pulling it hard trying to invoke fear into whoever dared to disturb him. He thought he had been quite clear that he was busy and didn't want to be interrupted. His fierce scowl softened immediately upon seeing who was at his door. He stammered slightly when saying her name "H-Hermione."

"Severus" She tried not to sound cold when his name came out, but it sounded harsh to her ears.

They stood in the doorway a moment staring at each other awkwardly, neither wanting to be _weak_ and apologize first. The battle of wills had really begun at this point. Severus made the first move and stood slightly away from the door motioning for her to come in but never taking his eyes off of her.

Hermione accepted his invitation and stepped into his chambers without loosing eye contact. _Those eyes, they burn into me. Into my body, my soul._ Hermione could feel herself becoming less harsh under his gaze

_I can't believe she actually came!_ Snape was dancing with joy inside, but his exterior was cold and icey. _She loves me, I know she does._

Breaking eye contact first in this theoretical game of chicken, Hermione glanced about the room and noted that his housekeeping skills have faltered in her absence, though she could have guessed that gem of information by how his appearance had changed over these past few months. While she had gotten better relatively quickly, he was still struggling and suffering; sleepless and underfed, trying to distract himself.

Severus looked her carefully up and down while she was distracted by his room and noted that, for the most part she looked wonderful. She, however, slouched slightly with, what he assumed to be, fatigue and if he was correct she had glamoured her face to hide, puffy eyes from crying. He pondered what she could have been crying over. If it was because of that Potter boy, I'll kill him. His heart leapt at the outside possibility that she could have been weeping over him though. He tried not to get his hopes too far up. Silent appraisal had been going on for nearing ten minutes now, and it was starting to become painful. Severus took initiative and spoke. "So, what brings you to this part of the castle?" Simple enough question, but it sounded sillier than he thought it would after it left his tongue.

"I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd drop by." Hermione responded without thinking, before she realized she was making a mockery of him. Her face displayed her accidental snide remark, but didn't make an attempt to take it back.

"Well, I'm glad that you took the time to come visiting…" Severus trailed off, deciding if he wanted to venture into talks about their last meeting at the lake.

Hermione, it seems was reading his mind. "Look, I'm sorry about accusing you of spying the other day. I was wrong, and…" Hermione trailed off

"Well, I probably shouldn't have been lurking in the shadows…"

A giggle escaped Hermione's lips. She can't believe that Severus, _her_, Severus Snape had just described himself as _lurking in the shadows_. Admittantly, that's what he does, but she never thought he would have described it as lurking. Wait a minute, did I just mentally describe Severus as _mine?_ As quickly as the giggles started there was no sign of laughter on her face. Snape pulled a sour expression at the rash change in moods.

"Do you find something funny, Miss Granger?" Not sure as to where the use of her last name had come in Severus was slightly taken aback at his own coldness.

"No, _sir_" She emphasized the last word with equal coldness that he had just shown her.

_DAMN IT, this isn't going according to plan at all!_ Snape mentally berated himself. She seemed to calm and he was just a big puddle of nerves. It was like being fifteen all over again and trying to talk to a girl. "Listen…" He tried to find the words he needed to say, but they wouldn't quite come, so he settled on this instead. "I think, maybe this visit started off on the wrong foot. Can we, maybe start again?" He held his breath waiting for her to respond. It felt like an eternity, but it was probably only about 15 seconds.

"I think that's a good idea." Hermione said she hesitated a minute and then spoke again. "So…how have you been doing?"

_I think its painfully obviously, to at least you that I'm doing terrible, thanks for asking._ That's what he wanted to say, but held his tongue. "I've been ok, and yourself?"

"I have my good days and my bad days…"

_That sounded like an admission to missing me._ Severus' hopeful brain started screaming at him. He smiled slightly in response and tried to decide where to take the conversation from there. Silence spanned around them as Severus struggled to find a topic to discuss. "How are classes?" _Give me a break, it's the first question that came to mind._

"They're good. I've got a lot of bright students. And you? Lots of dunderheads I suppose?"

"Of course. Most of them are dunderheads actually. Though hardly any students could hold a candle to when I had you as a student."

_What's this? It sounds suspiciously like Severus Snape is complimenting me!_ "Well, thank you. I always did try my hardest."

"I know you did." _Now it's her turn to figure out something to say._

"So…I've been doing some thinking…" She tried to sound forceful, but only succeeded in sounding wishy-washy. "Something happened earlier, and I've been doing some thinking. Some of which, has been about…." She sighed and left a long dramatic pause, gathering her courage. "you."

"About…Me?" He repeated back to her.

"Yes, about you. And me, and Us actually."

"May I ask what brought this on?"

"If you really must know…Harry professed his love for me…"

_Dagger into my heart. That little witch just plunged a dagger into my heart!_ Severus paled noticeably at the mention of Harry and he thought he lost her for good. There was no way that she would pick an old grumpy wizard over a boy she had known for about 10 years now that shared her age. _Signs for continued self loathing…check_.

"I love him Severus…" She said, trying to breeze through this part of the conversation. "But being intimate with him would be like kissing my brother. Do you know everything we've been through together?"

"So…you turned him down then?" He asked unsure.

"Yes. And I realized something else."

_Oh boy! Here it comes! She thinks I'm a ugly, pervy old man. She'll never take me back…_

"I realized, Severus, that in spite of your need to be a right old git, I love you."

Severus was stunned for a minute, he replayed that last piece of conversation over in his head, making sure that she did in fact say that she loved him. A smile twitched on his lips and all of his color rushed back to his face. "Really?"

Laughing again Hermione smiled at him, closed the gap between each other. Wrapped her arms around Severus Snape and said into his chest "Yes really, you big black bat."

He laughed a little and embraced her. He inhaled deeply, recalling her scent as he did so.

"I do have one question for you though." Hermione said after a few moments.

"And that would be?" He asked prepared for the worst.

"Do you bewitch your robes with the sole purpose of looking evil and the like?"

Severus just laughed and avoided the question with a twinkle in his eye. One That Hermione couldn't see because she had her head against his chest. Relishing the protective feel of her lover's arms around her once more.

ok, it's legitimately done this time, I swear. Oh, and if you really like angst, I posted something earlier today that I don't know where to take it. It's called "Tears of Sadness."

PS: the song was A Goodnight's Sleep by The Startingline


End file.
